What’s a Woman For?

That is, if she isn’t, by 58 years of age, a wife, a mother, and, by now, a grandmother? What if she’s been single since her divorce 25 years ago? What if she decided not to have a child on her own because her family of origin wouldn’t have been there for her (although they were for her older sister C – even she was).

This question does not exclude or ignore that she is also a professional technical writer. Has worked in her field for approximately 33 years? (Writing and editing, specifically, not necessarily technical.)

I thought it was hard to define my “woman” experience after my divorce. Or even back in my 20s when Time magazine (circa 1985) reported that most women who don’t marry by 30 never will? [Why does the American media get to influence or define women’s existence? I know that report influenced me to get married before I knew what I was doing.]

But now? I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I still don’t have a great passion for the work, as in my current job, I do. I’m not sure what to do next?

I don’t have a large income, a big savings account, a sure-footed 401K or retirement “plan”. In that way, I’m very much like the majority of most American citizens.

I have no idea how to age into my 60s. Should I be researching medicare? How do I be a “Senior Citizen”? I know I’m not there yet but it’s good to get a head start on worrying about this…isn’t it?

The thing about American culture (besides all the other things about it) that seems odd to me is that there are no instructions for anything – for finding a spouse, for raising a child, for growing old. No real definitive instructions. Everyone must wing it. There are “resources” for all of these phases. And I supposed it’s assumed that parents either teach by example or instruct their offspring on how to relate to others, how to care for a child younger than they are, how to behavior once you get to 20 years of age. There should be an American handbook and training guide for being a human among other humans.

Unfortunately, that guide would be written, in this county, by an old, white man who has little experience, if any, in the many cultures we live in now. And especially no idea about what the American Woman’s experience is. Because they’d have to have life experience as a black, white, Chinese, Japanese, Indian, and I know I’m leaving out others, woman. American men, especially white men, grow up in an entirely different culture than American women do.

I may be a bit off topic. I’m just saying that I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated with struggling all the time financially, emotionally, and with aging. I know my situation is not the worst, I’m not saying it is, but it is my situation.

And the only real tool I have any experience, and maybe some talent in, is writing. And though no one really reads this blog – it helps me sort things out.

I am in a position of really needing some sorting.

So that’s it for today – hopefully, my next blog will have some enlightenment to share.

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